sapanwood: (☄ hesitant)
[personal profile] sapanwood
That day, when Nika asked Tanya to be his girlfriend, she first asked if it was all right with me. Tanya thought... I think, she must have thought that I liked Nika since we were always around each other. But it— it wasn't like that! The two of us were both in photography club, so we couldn't help but be together during shoots. Sometimes he would be there to help set up for meetings. And there were times when he would tease me, like when I accidentally tripped and planted my face in the snow while trying to catch a shot of a roosting crane. But we were all friends back then, all four of us. Once, there was a competition between Nika and I where we tried to see who could hold their breath underwater the longest. Even though he won I wasn't upset at all, but I think it was impossible for any of us to have been upset that day. The way Nika laughed... or that face he makes when he's too shy to say something, just like that face he made to Tanya when—

It was during the summer when Nika first showed me the clubhouse. A small, abandoned building where he kept odds and ends. We would spend afternoons together talking, or making silly plans; all sorts of plans for the future, or what new places or things we could shoot. Eventually we drifted from that place. We started going less and less, until...

When Tanya asked me, I told her it was fine. That even though Nika was a boy and got into fights, and did stupid things occasionally, he was a good guy. He has always been nice to me, and he definitely does have a good heart. And so, I knew Tanya would be happy with him. If Tanya was happy, then I would be too.




... Whenever I'm around Nika, sometimes my chest tightens so much that I forget to take a breath. As if there's something in my stomach, jumping around- dancing, and these pinpricks suddenly dot all over my arms. Whenever I see him, I don't know why, but it feels—

Later that day, when I saw Tanya walk home with Nika, I thought my heart would beat out of my chest. I didn't know why. I don't know why.

[ooc: Slowpoke forever. Backdated to earlier in the evening. ]

Date: 2010-03-24 02:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deathbutler.livejournal.com
Well that's easy, dear!

Date: 2010-03-24 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
You couldn't possibly know.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
Because.

You will never really know how I think or how I feel.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deathbutler.livejournal.com
You're the one practically begging for advice.

Don't want it? Fine!

Date: 2010-03-24 11:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
I-- I'm not asking for anything! I started recalling memories and suddenly it was all on the network everything.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deathbutler.livejournal.com
It's totally in your tone!

Date: 2010-03-24 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
You're looking too closely.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
In wasting your time?

Date: 2010-03-24 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
Why are you yelling? Isn't that a little too much?

Date: 2010-03-24 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deathbutler.livejournal.com
Why are all human children in this city brats?

Date: 2010-03-24 11:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
I'm not a brat. It could be that you have too little patience.

Date: 2010-03-24 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
Cheh. It's obvious you like this guy, stupid girl.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
I- It's not like that at all! Nika and I are only friends, and that's it.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
So your stomach always turns somersaults when you're around your friends, huh. In that case, you should see a doctor.

1/2

Date: 2010-03-24 11:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
Not all of them, just—

Only when I see Nika.

2/2

Date: 2010-03-24 11:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
Wh- why do these weird things keep on slipping out? What sort of stupid curse is this?

Date: 2010-03-24 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
Sit back and think about what you just said.

--An annoying one.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
You really are a stupid girl.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
How can I say I like someone if I don't understand it? If I don't understand what "love" is?

It wouldn't make sense.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
Isn't feeling it enough? Since when has love ever made sense, anyway?

Date: 2010-03-24 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
How can I be sure it's that feeling is really love? There's no way, unless I understand what it is.

Date: 2010-03-24 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
Look, your heart clearly knows what it is, all right? Listen to it.

/erases the it's typo sob

Date: 2010-03-24 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
That's not a good enough reason.

HAHAHA

Date: 2010-03-25 12:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
I can't give up if there's nothing to give up.

SCREAM

Date: 2010-03-25 12:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
Well this was a giant waste of time.

Date: 2010-03-25 01:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
You're the one wasting it.

Date: 2010-03-25 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
You're the one who's too stubborn to face facts!

Date: 2010-03-25 09:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
You're the one who's looking at facts that don't exist!

Date: 2010-03-25 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harshinurbuzz.livejournal.com
IF SOMEBODY TOLD YOU THE NOSE ON YOUR FACE DIDN'T EXIST, WOULD YOU BELIEVE THEM?

Date: 2010-03-27 04:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
Of course not, because my nose actually exists. My feelings for Nika don't!

Date: 2010-03-24 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mad-here.livejournal.com
...so that's your first crush?

Date: 2010-03-24 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapanwood.livejournal.com
Don't you have feline-themed underwear to shop for?

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